Living with a chronic illness can be like trying to roll a large, heavy boulder uphill, only to have it tumble back, relentless as gravity. It’s a never-ending struggle where every small victory feels like a mountain climbed, only to face the daunting descent again. There are unpredictable challenges and obstacles to overcome. Yet the goal remains the same, to reach the top of the hill. The journey with chronic illness is long and exhausting. Every day is a new day with endless possibilities, but it is the attitude you bring to the challenge that ultimately shapes your journey.
Diagnosis
In 2005, my life was completely altered when I was diagnosed with polycystic kidney disease (PKD). PKD is a genetic kidney disease in which cysts grow in your kidneys and eventually cause them to fail. At the time, I had just discovered that I was pregnant with our oldest daughter, Launa. I remember bursting into tears when I got the call from my doctor informing me of the diagnosis. I had held onto a glimmer of hope for a negative test result, but I knew there was a chance I had PKD. After my diagnosis, I was referred to a nephrologist, a kidney specialist. This marked the beginning of a long, arduous journey, a journey with no promise of a cure, treatment or even the mention of a potential kidney transplant. I felt a crushing sense of hopelessness, betrayed by my own body, and alone. I wasn’t alone. I had family and friends around me, praying, supporting, and loving me. Yet I felt alone in my fight because it was my body, not theirs, that would eventually fail me.
Life with Illness
In early stages of PKD, there are often no obvious symptoms. I continued living, putting my illness on the back burner, knowing that someday it would make its presence known later in my life. As life moved forward, I welcomed our youngest daughter, Layla, in 2009. I had a fulfilling career in human services, dedicated to helping people. However in 2016, my primary doctor told me that it was time to revisit the nephrologist. This led to feelings of uncertainty. I was not sure what to expect from a new specialist. It had been several years since my diagnosis, was there any hope of treatment or a cure now? He referred me to another nephrologist, Dr. Khurana. She gave me the hope I needed when she recommended that I be evaluated for a kidney transplant. She referred me to Emory University Hospital for the transplant evaluation. The evaluation was a long process with many different medical tests to ensure that I was a good candidate for a transplant and healthy enough to withstand the surgery. It entailed numerous trips to Atlanta and was physically, mentally, and financially exhausting. Despite being approved for a transplant and being added to the list, I wasn’t yet sick enough for them to actively search for a match. I was told that it may be 5-7 years before a kidney was matched to me. The thought of living on dialysis for that long was a grim picture. I was unsure what life would be like and how I would work and raise my children.
Dialysis
In 2018, everything changed once again. My health took a turn for the worse. I lost weight, due to a lack of appetite and nausea. The fatigue I felt was unrelenting. The toxins that functioning kidneys filter, were building up in my blood. Even though I knew my health was declining, I pushed forward, determined to get a transplant. By this time, I was active on the transplant list and now I was just waiting for a call. I had several family members, friends, and strangers who went through the rigorous process to be a living donor, but none were approved.
So I underwent the process of getting a permacath in my upper right chest that would be used for dialysis. I did not let this discourage me or dissuade me from my goal, a new kidney. I was determined to make myself as healthy as possible for my transplant. I changed my diet, started working out as much as I could. I was driven by the knowledge that someday, somehow, I would receive a kidney transplant. It turns out that I didn’t have to wait too long.
I was on dialysis for almost a year when I got the call on November 12, 2019. That call forever changed my life. A kidney had been found for me and I was scheduled for surgery the day before Thanksgiving. What an amazing gift to receive during the season for gratitude! My transplant was a success and my journey continued through the upheaval of COVID, career changes, unexpected financial difficulties, and a multitude of life’s other curveballs. I am here today as a testament to resilience and the indomitable human spirit.
This picture was taken after my transplant. I finally had the energy to live again. We hiked up Clingman’s Dome in the Great Smoky Mountains.
Lessons Learned
There are some vital lessons that I want to impart today. Life will throw challenges your way, but it is your response to these challenges that defines you. You can face those challenges head-on with a positive attitude and sheer determination, becoming the unyielding force that shatters the boulder blocking your path. Or you can choose to cower and let the boulder crush you in defeat. So, which path will you choose?
I leave you with one of my favorite quotes from the TV show Scandal. I came across it one day and began watching, but there is a quote that is used many times throughout the show and it really hit me the first time I heard it. You see I was having a bad day, a self-pity, woe is me kind of day and this quote really struck a chord with me.
This resonated with me and transformed my mindset. I realized that I was a gladiator and the only choice was to fight, with every fiber of my being. On those inevitable down days, I remind myself that I am a GLADIATOR and it’s time to fight. Whatever your circumstances, challenges, or obstacles, the time to rise up and discover the gladiator within is now. Fight and conquer your battles; the victory is waiting for you. Remember you are not alone. And life is a journey best enjoyed with compassion, wisdom, gratitude, and a cup of espresso.
Warmest Brews,
Gladiator Women 
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